Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize