lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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