Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
