we're making bets on your personal life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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