Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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