My liver just broke up with me...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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