Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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