I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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