So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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