if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
