Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
