I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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