What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
