I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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