it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
