At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
