she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
