you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
