In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mom said you looked used
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
