Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
