McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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