batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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