Non-Jews are for practice
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
