I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
