I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
