she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize