He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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