My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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