Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
