we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
