Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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