I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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