Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
