dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
