I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize