You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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