shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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