and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize