I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
