dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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