Where are you?
In a non slutty way
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
