i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
