Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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