i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
