thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
