Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
