he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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