Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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