I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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