i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
