after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
