I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize