Will you blow on my dice?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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