I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
