Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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