you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
