Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
