Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
