I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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