My nipple is on Facebook.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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