Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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