Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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