Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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