If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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