the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize