let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
