My hand turned me down
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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