Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
