New low: just hacked my moms facebook
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just pee around me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
